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Airflow: Condition of a car created by putting the wife in the back seat. Antiques: 1: Furniture that is too old for poor folks but the right age for rich people; 2. See also most of the information the government tells you. Back-Up: Recommended if you meet a skunk in the woods.

Backbite: To speak of a man as you find him when he can’t find you.

Abalemma: The agonizing situation in which there is only one possible decision but you still can’t take it. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer. What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter; 3. Actress: A person who works hard at not being herself. That period when a boy refuses to believe that someday he’ll be as dubm as his father; 5. Avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men. Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children. as practiced by socially correct women who have attended classes on the subject in tandem with their sensitive mates. Bishop’s Caundle: An opening gambit before a game of chess whereby the missing pieces are replaced by small ornaments from the mantelpiece. Blowtensil: A utensil, such as a spoon or knife, set at the table but not used during the meal. Blues Singer: Someone who makes every day sound like Yom Kippur. Blunt Person: One who says what he thinks without thinking. Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money. Thrown out when you need it, and taken in when you don’t; 2. Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom. A person who starts out telling white lies and soon grows colour blind; 2. That bodily organ which starts working the moment you awake and does not stop until you get into the office. A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly; 2. What a man looks for in a woman after he’s looked at everything else; 3. Brilliant Epigram: A solemn platitude gone to a masquerade ball. The ability to smile when you suddenly discover that your roommate and your girlfriend are both missing from the dance floor; 2. The thing that hurts when everything else feels so good; 18: What makes you worry about what it couldn’t stop you from doing; 19. Conscientious Woman: One who never breaks a confidence without first imposing the strictest secrecy. Consul: In American politics, a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country. Acting is all about honesty - if you can fake that, you’ve got it made. A guy who, if you ain’t talking about him, he ain’t listening; 2. A man with an infinite capacity for taking praise; 4. A man who can walk to the side of a stage, peer into the wings filled with dust, other actors, stagehands, old clothes and other claptrap, and say, “What a lovely view there is from this window.”; 6. Administratium: Another of the heaviest elements known to man (see also Governmentium). That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking; 2. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves. A period in which girls try to make little boys stop asking questions, and big boys begin; 3. Blowing Your Buffer: Losing one’s train of thought. The Bozone Layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Bridge Partner: A person who is undesirable if he has a one-trick mind. A place where people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like. A trait that gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet; 16. Coverage: To pretend to be older or younger than you are. An art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing; 2. ADA: Something you need only know the name of to be an expert in computing. Provider of decisio Administratiumns that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. An independent state, highly taxing yet often insolvent, located just beyond comprehension; 2. Blotter: Something you look for while the ink dries. Bozone Layer: The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding. Bronchitis: Fear of the Broncos winning the Super Bowl again. Something that makes you tell your mother before your sister does; 15. Cousin: The relative most likely to be responsible for your trouble. Agony of Defeat: What marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from. The only known substance that will make a woman beautiful when taken internally - by her escort. It should never be loaded into your computer’s memory. Altos: Not to be confused with “Tom’s toes”, “Bubba’s toes, ”, or “Dori-toes. Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid only in cash - not by cheque. A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there; 3. Applause: Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; Applause during the speech is an act of hope; Applause after he has concluded is an act of charity. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. Australia: A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island. A selfish, inconsiderate rat who is depriving some deserving woman of her rightful alimony; 34. Bad Husband: The only thing that beats a good wife. Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers. Balanced Budget: When money in the bank and the days of the month come out together. Bald Eagle: Large bird too vain to buy a hairpiece. Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another. Beergasm: The climatic moment when you take the first sip at the end of the day. Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Beggar: One who has relied on the assistance of his friends. Agriculturist: One who makes his money in town and blows it in the country. Alcoholic: A person you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. A shouted request for assistance by an out-of-bounds European skier on a U. However, you can have endless hours of fun loading it into the computer of the guy who sits next to you. Where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks; 4. Appetite: The one thing bigger than an overweight person's stomach. Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Artistic Temperament: Seldom recognized until it’s too old to spank. Australian Kiss: Same as French Kiss, only down under. A fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations; 2. A writer with connections in the publishing industry; 4. A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony; 35. Bad Luck: To have thirteen people seated at the table when you’re paying for the drinks. Baggage Claim: The most difficult area of the airport to find. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you! Bald-headed Man: One who, when expecting callers, has only to straighten his necktie. Baritone: Note emanating from Senator Goldwater, or from singer Manilow. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

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